Sample only. Maya and Eli are a fictional engaged couple. A real report is private to the two of you (and your counselor or mentor, if you invite one). Couples see band names, icons, and a four-dot meter, never scores.
Before We Wed: Maya & Eli
The strengths you bring, where you already line up, where the same words may hide different pictures, and the conversations worth having before the wedding.
You start marriage with real strength in closeness & affection and commitment & trust.
Calm in a storm · Humor · Loyalty
Kindness · Encouragement · Faithfulness
- Closeness & AffectionFlourishing
- Commitment & TrustFlourishing
Seven areas for the years ahead
Every area shows a Growth Band. More filled dots means more of a strength. No numbers, ever.
Talking & Feeling Heard
How easily you share what is on your heart and feel understood.
You mostly feel heard. A short daily check-in, phones down, keeps it that way when life gets loud. You two experience this area differently, so ask each other what it is like from your side.
Disagreeing & Repairing
How you handle friction and find your way back to each other.
You recover from friction well. Name what helps you repair so you can reach for it on a hard day.
Money as a Team
How openly and calmly you plan, spend, save and talk about money.
You are still finding a shared money rhythm. A short weekly money date makes the numbers less loaded.
Family & Boundaries
How you honor where you come from while putting your marriage first.
You honor your families and put each other first most of the time. Talk through the first holidays before they arrive.
Shared Vision & Values
How much you are building toward the same life, meaning and practices.
You are building toward much of the same life. Name one tradition you want to start this year.
Closeness & Affection
How connected, cared for and comfortable you feel with each other.
You feel deeply connected and comfortable together. Keep choosing each other in small ways.
Commitment & Trust
How settled and secure you feel in choosing each other for life.
You feel secure and sure in choosing each other. That steadiness carries couples through hard years.
Where Maya and Eli line up
Chores & the daily load
You picture chores & the daily load the same way. That is common ground to build on.
- Splitting housework: you both said “Strictly 50/50”.
- The jobs you each want: you both said “Cooking, Cleaning”.
Friendships & time apart
On friendships & time apart, you are already on the same page. Enjoy that.
- Evenings with friends: you both said “About one”.
- Close friendships: you both said “Fine, with openness”.
Health & wellbeing
Health & wellbeing is quiet ground for you two: little to negotiate, much to build on.
- Healthy habits: you both said “Important”.
- Counseling: you both said “Yes, right away”.
- Alcohol at home: you both said “Occasionally”.
Commitment & past relationships
You picture commitment & past relationships the same way. That is common ground to build on.
- Past marriages or children: you both said “No”.
- Past relationships: you both said “The important things”.
- Divorce: you both said “Only for abuse, affairs or abandonment”.
Where we live
On where we live, you are already on the same page. Enjoy that.
- What feels like home: you both said “Suburb”.
- Renting or buying: you both said “Buy within 3 years”.
Work & careers
Work & careers is quiet ground for you two: little to negotiate, much to build on.
- A healthy work week: you both said “Under 40 hours each”.
Holidays & traditions
You are close on holidays & traditions, with a detail or two worth a short talk.
- Holidays: you both said “Alternate families each year”.
- Birthdays and anniversaries: close, with a difference worth a word (“Low-key is fine” and “Meaningful, keep it simple”).
Having children
Mostly the same picture on having children. The small differences below are easy places to start.
- Wanting children: close, with a difference worth a word (“Probably” and “Yes”).
- When to start a family: close, with a difference worth a word (“In 1 to 3 years” and “In 3 to 5 years”).
Intimacy & affection
You are close on intimacy & affection, with a detail or two worth a short talk.
- How often: you both said “A few times a week”.
- Talking about what you like: close, with a difference worth a word (“Mostly comfortable” and “Very comfortable”).
- Everyday affection: close, with a difference worth a word (“Long hugs, Cuddling” and “Long hugs, Kissing hello & goodbye”).
Roles at home
Mostly the same picture on roles at home. The small differences below are easy places to start.
- Who earns: you both said “Both, about equally”.
- Big decisions: you both said “We decide together, always”.
- Care for young children: close, with a difference worth a word (“Both work, outside childcare” and “Both work, shared care”).
Parenting style
You are close on parenting style, with a detail or two worth a short talk.
- Physical discipline: you both said “Never”.
- Parenting style: close, with a difference worth a word (“Relaxed and flexible” and “Warm with clear rules”).
- Passing on faith or values: close, with a difference worth a word (“Actively, as a family practice” and “Gently, by example”).
Same words, different pictures
They chose the same answer, but the same words can hold different pictures. Each one becomes a two-minute conversation, not a checkmark.
A parent living with you
Both said “Yes, without question”.
Which parent do you each picture, and for how long is "a season"?
Moving for a job
Both said “Move for it”.
Whose job do you each picture moving for, and is it always the same person?
Where to live
Both said “Near one of our families”.
Which family do you each picture living near?
Who starts
Both said “Mostly one of us”.
Which one of you do you each picture starting? Is that how you would like it?
Conversations worth having
Places your answers point in different directions. Not problems. Good things to talk through now.
Faith & values practice
Your answers point in different directions here, and you have only started this conversation. It also matters a lot to you.
How often do you picture us sharing a faith or values practice (worship, service, reflection)?
Maya: Now and then · Eli: Weekly or more
How central should faith or core values be in our big decisions?
Maya: One voice among many · Eli: The center of everything
Emotional needs
Your answers point in different directions here, and you have only started this conversation.
When I am stressed, what helps most is…
Maya: Being listened to · Eli: Some space
Which two make you feel most loved?
Maya: Quality time, Acts of help · Eli: Quality time, Kind words
Communication & conflict
Your answers point in different directions here, and you have only started this conversation. It also matters a lot to you.
In a disagreement, I usually want to…
Maya: Take a long break to think · Eli: Talk it through right away
When we are stuck on something big, I would want us to…
Maya: Ask a mentor or pastor · Eli: See a counselor
In-laws & family of origin
You are close here, with a few real differences, and this is new ground for at least one of you. It also matters a lot to you.
How often would you like to see our parents and siblings?
Maya: About weekly · Eli: Monthly or less
How much should our parents weigh in on our decisions?
Maya: We decide on our own · Eli: We listen, then decide
Spending & saving
You are close here, with a few real differences, and you have only started this conversation. It also matters a lot to you.
How should we combine our money?
Maya: Everything joint · Eli: Mostly separate, some joint
Above what amount should we check with each other before buying?
Maya: $150 · Eli: $500
Debt & financial history
You are close here, with a few real differences, and this is new ground for at least one of you.
How much do you know about each other's debts, credit and money history?
Maya: A little · Eli: Most of it
How comfortable are you taking on new debt (a house, a car)?
Maya: Fine if it is planned · Eli: Mortgage and a car
New ground. You haven’t talked much yet about debt & financial history and in-laws & family of origin. A good place to start.
How well you know each other. A few guesses missed. That is not a problem; it is a map of what is still fun to learn about each other. You knew each other well on roles at home, chores & the daily load, having children, and more.
The homes you grew up in
How conflict was handled
You come from different homes here: one "avoided or kept quiet," the other "loud, then over." In year one, the first big disagreement may feel "normal" to one of you and alarming to the other.
Ask: What did you learn about disagreeing from watching your family? What do you want our home to feel like when we disagree?
How money felt
You come from different homes here: one "secure but never discussed," the other "tight but managed." In year one, when money is tight, one of you may want to talk and the other may go quiet.
Ask: How does money make you feel when it is tight? What would feel safe to you in our first year?
How love was shown
You come from different homes here: one "shown often, in words and hugs," the other "shown through doing things." One of you may show love by doing; the other may wait to hear it. Both count.
Ask: How did you know you were loved growing up? How do you most want to be loved now?
Who did what at home
You come from different homes here: one "mostly done by one parent," the other "shared fairly evenly." What feels fair to one of you may feel lopsided to the other until you say it out loud.
Ask: What felt fair, or unfair, about how work was shared in your home?
Faith and values at home
You come from different homes here: one "central and warm," the other "present but in the background." Neither home was wrong; each shaped what Sunday, or a quiet morning, feels like to you.
Ask: What do you want to keep, and leave behind, from the faith or values you grew up with?
Harder conversations
Each partner answers privately, then chooses what to share. The report never says who flagged what.
Screens and phones
You both want to talkWhat would phone-free time look like for us, and are our phones open to each other?
Aging parents
One of you flagged thisStart here: Which parent might need help first, and what would we be willing to give?
Debts or secrets
One of you flagged thisStart here: Pick a calm time and say, "There is something I want you to know before we marry."
Faith and values, side by side
One of you sees your marriage through faith, the other through values. Couples like you do well when each feels respected, not recruited.
- What part of your faith or values do you most want me to understand?
- How will we celebrate holidays and traditions in a way that honors both of us?
- If we have children, how will we share what matters to us?
What each of you asked for
- Please don't raise your voice when we disagree
- Please don't share our private conflicts with family
- Please don't use the silent treatment
6 sessions, built from your answers
Session 1 · Feeling heard
Talking and listening
Ten-minute daily check-in, phones down, for one week.
Session 2 · Conflict and repair
Fighting fair and repairing
Agree on your time-out signal and your repair phrase.
Session 3 · Money, debt and the daily load
Money as a team
Share full money pictures and draft a first monthly budget.
Session 4 · Children, in-laws and boundaries
Kids, parenting and family
Write one boundary you will hold together with each family.
Session 5 · Staying close and shared meaning
Closeness, intimacy and meaning
Choose your three words for your marriage and one weekly ritual.
Session 6 · Getting help early and your first-year plan
When to get help, and our plan
Name who you will call if you get stuck, and pick three practices to keep.
If anything in this report feels heavy, you do not have to sort it out alone. A counselor or mentor couple can help, and if you ever feel unsafe, call or text the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or 911 in an emergency.
Start your own Before We Wed.
Take it together, on your own or with a counselor, pastor, or mentor.